And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
