the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
