he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
