We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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