so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize