my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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