The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
