Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
