Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
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By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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