She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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