I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
