wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
