I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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