chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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