In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
