Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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