I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I smell stomach acid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
