she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
