Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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