Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
