Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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