our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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