I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
