Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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