I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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