Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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