dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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