$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
