so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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