Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
