: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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