Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
