i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
the raccoons are back...
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