I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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