I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
