my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
