I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
