none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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