that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
