tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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