I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
