Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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