Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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