I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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