You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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