remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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