Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
