you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
