def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
