Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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