How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
