his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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