You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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