Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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