please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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