Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
