I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
