My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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