Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
