Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
