MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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