HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
