Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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