I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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