While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
