i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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