I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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